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Secondary

These terms are very widespread, very important, and yet also very controversial. Some people try to avoid them entirely, for philosophical reasons. Others use the terms, but not always in quite the same way. There are two major usages. In the more common, a "primary" relationship is marriage like; it typically involves living together, often involves sharing finances or child raising. Life decisions are often made jointly, eg: where to live; jobs or careers to take, build or depart; bearing or adopting children. (See also "Nesting" relationships). Any of these may or may not exist in a given relationship considered primary by those involved. A secondary relationship is one generally not involving these things. Typically it involves living separately, having separate finances, and acting more as a (perhaps very close) friend than as a full partner in major life decisions. In this usage, one could have zero, one, or multiple "primary" relationships, and zero or more secondary relationships. Some people have only secondary relationships by choice or circumstances; some have more than one primary. This usage is a description of the kind of interweaving of lives involved in a particular pairing. It does not necessarily reflect the relative depth of love or understanding.

Sex

Is Polyamory "about sex."? Yes and no. For most Polyamorists, the core attraction is "amor" or "amour" -- love, albeit romantic/erotic love. Mostly the focus is on relationships. However, this definitely can involve sex as well, and it's that aspect which distinguishes polyamory from monogamous couples with close platonic friendships.

Stranger in a Strange Land

A science fiction book by Robert Heinlein (1962) which served as an inspiration to many poly folks before the term "polyamory" was even invented. Not as an exact model, so much as a breaking of the cultural assumptions. Also inspired the Neopagan Church of All Worlds, which has been a long term poly hotbed (the term polyamory was coined by two prominent members).

Swinging

Another variant or modification to monogamy, involving sexual exploration in an environment structured to contain it without damage to an otherwise monogamous relationship. Like polyamory, it involves honesty and consent. Unlike polyamory it typically tries to stringently avoid love, romance or relationships outside the existing pair (though friendships are OK), and is engaged in mainly by couples (though some groups allow single women as well; rarely are single men allowed). Lifestyles is another term used for this option.

The swinging subculture is generally very different from poly subculture, and almost nobody could fail to notice the difference in conferences, gatherings, parties, magazines, email groups or other manifestations of the two movements. Nevertheless, a few people are involved in both movements, or tend to operate in a grey area "in the middle". Human lives and hearts don't always fit neatly into a set of mutually exclusive boxes.

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